.me.

I walked gradually down my street today,
towards the woods- always towards the woods.
The leaves crunched beneath my shoes,
one of the most comforting sounds to me.

Children’s laughter, nails being hammered, dog’s crisp barks
carried through the wind in between the branches,
and the idly floating leaves.
I smiled, if only a faint whisper of one.

These long lost dreams are rattling around in silent corners
streaks of pink reflect on my sunglasses
as I pause again and again to take in the changing, swirling colours all around me
above, below, calling in the distance

this is always the best of me
alone in my thoughts
after a soft rain
the tree bark slick and damp
enhances the yellows, oranges, and reds in their splendor, their glory,
before they break free and drift swiftly to their death.

I’m hurting all over
I don’t breathe well alone.
I never have.
I feel as if I’m drifting with those leaves, inside an echo
by the time words reach my ears, there’s no telling how long it’s been reverberating-
through time
through place.

The best and worst thing I’ll ever be…
is a mother.
this title
this honor denied to many.
this person locked inside me.
desperately shaking- trembling with a rusty key grasped in my finger tips.
the lock so far out of focus.

Does he love me?
Need me?
know I love him so completely,
even if I don’t know how to show him.

it’s heart shattering. This child. This piece of me.
letting these dusty cracks fill in, become whole.
tears streak their scars down my skin.
leaving their track marks for the world to judge.
You know they are.
and always will.
nothing makes them proud…

how will I let go?
Be my person, my place, my thing.
my mind is racing,
pray my feet won’t follow.